Day 79: One Sleepless Night in the Midst of Change
I'm not sure where to start. I've been thinking about writing in my blog for awhile -- with so much going on I have no shortage of topics.
Oddly I find myself finally sitting down at the computer now, in the middle of the night, stressing about so many things while drinking some sort of stress-relieving tea and moments after popping a Melatonin. Both are a risk at such a late hour. I can foresee myself waking up early in the morning needing to get out of bed, despite finally falling asleep, to visit the restroom. By the time my alarm goes off for work, I'm sure I'll finally have reached that desirable state of REM, of which I'll have to abruptly interrupt, finding myself incredibly sleepy for the rest of the day. Most likely I'll also be forcing myself to leave what I can only assume would be some amazing dream escape that I beg the Universe to let me live in for just a few more moments.
As I write this, my annoyingly logical mind flutters around, reaching for the possible fact that one does not dream in the REM sleep state, but I'm too tired and frustrated to spend too much energy trying to determine the validity of that notion.
I can hear Cambria making noises in her room...or the bathroom...or my room...where ever she's causing mischief this time. It is now half past midnight and she has gotten in trouble a handful of times for not going to bed.
I hear noises now that sound like the puppy getting into the toilet paper roll again, which I am so not in the mood for. I go investigate to find said puppy getting into some bag of my daughter's things. I smell dog poop. I step in dog pee. I go to wash off my feet in the bathtub and guess who's in there. Yeah. My 9-year old.
I just about lose it.
I haven't even had enough time to drink my stress-relieving tea. How is it already Monday and I feel like I'm a loose canon?
I've been off the Cymbalta medicine for a few weeks, which I now realize was completely relieving me of all my fibromyalgia symptoms. I know this because now they are all slowly coming back. My arms and legs are sensitive. My back and joints ache. My teeth are hurting. I can't sleep at night, but I'm painfully exhausted throughout the day. My patience is growing thinner and I can sense myself becoming more easily agitated.
Despite all that though, I've been actually keeping my sanity reasonably intact.
I should also say that in the last month, my mother has moved in with me, I've enlightened my daughter on the wonders (and in her view yuckiness) of sex, along with a more complete background of who her biological father is, met with biological father, made plans to meet with biological father's girlfriend, prepared to integrate both people into the life of my daughter, posted an ad on Craig's List informing Denver musicians of my vocal talents and desire for collaboration, met someone from ad, worked on some songs - one in particular that I love and can't get out of my head, traveled to Southern Cali with my daughter and best friend, fell in love all over again with the ocean, finished reading the book, "If the Buddha Dated" and closely identified with Bridget Jones's Diary.
Well I don't know if it's the cup of stress-relieving tea that I've finally made an imprint on, or possibly the Melatonin taking some small effect, or it could be the last sentence / paragraph I typed out and the weight of that reality... but I'm finally feeling sleepy.
Yes, I clearly have found myself in the middle of the most unexpected, unrelenting roller coaster of change I've experienced in this condensed amount of time (with one exception being when I discovered I was pregnant at 18). But I guess that's the essence of life.
According to the psychic I saw a few months ago, the only thing left to dramatically change my life in 2012 is meeting my "soul mate." And by the way, I could expect to meet him fairly soon. The time period declared was by "August or September" of this year.
Image from http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3610/3347917839_5c46e54f54.jpg
Comments
Post a Comment