Day 71: The Optimistic Skeptic

So obviously I'm in knee-deep with my life's transforming stage. I'm excited about what the future holds and at the same time a little bewildered. So many possibilities. I've held close the belief that everything happens for a reason. So it intrigues me to think about where I'm at now - I'm at an incredibly different place than I thought I'd be 6 months ago, so what could possibly happen 6 months from now? There are so many paths I could take... so many that the Universe will present me. I can feel it.

One thing the Psychic told me was that in terms of my career, I would go one of three ways. One - stay where I'm at and face a new opportunity that may make my working situation "friendlier," two - stay in my industry, but change jobs, or three - change everything altogether. Throw it to the wind. Take a great risk in the name of passion. Be willing and open to financial insecurity. This sounded the most fun, but returning to the state of "single mommy-hood" again puts things in a different perspective. Not as much freedom to run wild with the wind.

Speaking of wind...

I was driving home from work the other day with the windows rolled down and beautiful music playing (Andrew Bird station on Pandora, in case anyone's interested). Anyway, I felt so happy and peaceful. Even despite the traffic! I felt this renewed sense of self-love and rediscovery. Even if I decided that leaving my stable career for the chance to sing or act or become an activist wasn't in my cards, I still needed to find a way to feed my desire for the things I'm most passionate about.

I might be playing it too safe. I need to take some risks in my life. They don't need to be anything extravagant. For example, a risk would be to sing at an open mic. That's scary and I have no idea how I'll do - so, it's risky.

Here's another risk. And this is pretty silly. I was watching the Daily Show (as I do, religiously), and one of the guests this week was Ben Rattray, Founder and CEO of Change.org. It could have been the fact that he took action and developed a website that essentially functions the way mine would have (well, one of mine), or it could have been that he was successful and well-spoken and comfortable chatting with Jon Stewart (one of my idols), or that his brother came out as gay and he realized that although he may not have been someone causing harm to the gay community, or any underdog for that matter, he certainly wasn't doing anything to stop it (which is exactly how I've felt and hello...my mom coming out brought me to the same realization), or maybe it was simply how attractive I found him overall, but I found that there was this strange feeling that he could be the love of my life. 

Okay, before I go on let me clarify something. This almost never happens. Actually, I'm not sure it has ever happened. Even with undeniable hotties like Brad Pitt. I just seem to be more "practical" for lack of a better word. I'm not interested in having some weird infatuation with a guy hundreds or thousands of people look at similarly. And let's face it, while I respect the power of social media and especially the fact that he's harnessed it for good, it is pretty overwhelming. It's not like I could shoot him an email and say, "Hey. I dig your style and I like your face. We should grab coffee sometime. Oh by the way, I live in Denver." Plus I'd probably sound like a crazy stalker and that's just not how I roll.

So needless to say, I guess I set my standards pretty high. Well, maybe. The funny thing is he didn't really have a "wooing" presence. Didn't seem necessarily like the guy all the girls wanted in high school. I could be wrong. But what I saw in him wasn't some overbearing effort to be desired or popular or accepted or anything. I saw this familiar trait of being genuine and a little nerdy, but smart and passionate and focused. Will I ruin the moment if I say he reminded me of me?

I found myself laughing because I realized I was staring at the bottom of the screen watching his hands move around, trying to see if there was a ring on his finger. I wasn't successful, so who knows. But here's where I see my next big risk. Which may not seem like a risk, but it is to me. I think I might just try shooting him an email. Why not? I have no idea what I'll say but really, I don't think it could hurt anything and I might even have a good laugh about it later.

One last thing. What makes this even more comical is that I'm at the low-point of being single. Which is to say, I have no freaking clue what I'm doing in the dating realm. I have no idea how to "put on the moves" or play up my woman charm. I don't know how to make myself stand out among other prospects trying the same thing as me. If I had the energy, I'd probably think hard of something funny and creative - something that would truly grab his attention and quickly give him an idea of how awesome I am. Of course the way the world is today, it's nearly impossible to cut through all the online buzz and chaos and noise and really make yourself stand out. I guess as a marketer, and a social media marketer, that's what I'm supposed to figure out. 

Although, I'd like to think this isn't a "job" so I'm going back to my original approach - cool, calm, collected. Sincere, off the cusp. And brilliant.

Here's to my optimistic, yet skeptical self!