Day 39: Finding a Relationship with Balance

It's kind of funny, because I had just discovered this concept today when I went to lunch with my good friend. Then it was ironically reinforced with an unexpected appearance in a Valentine's Day episode of 30 Rock tonight. 

This idea of balance is one that I've been working on for years now. It's something I always strive for. With balance, comes harmony. Balance. It just dawned on me that I have always felt so close to this idea especially because of the fact that I'm a Libra. I don't know why I didn't connect the dots earlier.

I've worked so hard in bringing balance to my life - eating a good balance of healthy and indulgent food, exercising but not killing myself (okay, I'm pretty far from exercising too much), working the right amount of hours, sleeping the right amount of hours...everything around me was supposed to be as balanced as possible. 

So why didn't I see that in my relationship? I guess I always felt the pros outweighed the cons. And I still feel like I was right about that. It was hard work, but it was worth it. However, since I find myself unexpectedly out of that relationship, it's given me a sense of freedom to explore the pros of being without him. Which honestly, has taken me awhile to do. I've been so drenched in emotion that I really couldn't think about it in this way. And even though I'm able to now, I may not be able to tomorrow. 

Either way, as I do what I do best - analyze - I realize that I worked so hard in my relationship and gave so much of myself, and I really didn't get a fair amount back. Which I truly don't blame Mauricio for - he just wasn't capable of it. Nevertheless, it wasn't balanced. In certain areas, we were different but we complemented each other. In other areas, we were the same but again, it was in a positive way. But we struggled with the fact that we shared some similarities that made it really hard to work together. Sometimes we were too much alike. We were both stubborn and prideful. Alone, I don't believe we had these qualities to a fault. But together, these traits were amplified in one another and it felt like we couldn't escape it. Like two positive magnets that were repelling each other. 

A great way of looking at this, is Yin and Yang. And my amazing friend helped me realize that. I needed more balance. I needed someone who could take care of me just like I could take care of him. 

When I was watching 30 Rock tonight, it hit me again. This idea of complementary styles. I apologize in advance for those of you who aren't familiar with 30 Rock. The show is pretty comical, but this one aspect of it just related to me so much. Liz is dating this guy who she has a lot in common with, but in one of the most important areas - dealing with conflict - she learns they're very different. Originally, she thinks these differences will end their relationship. She makes a big deal out of little things and feels like she has to change for him. But he tells her she doesn't have to change, because it's in his nature to easily forgive and shrug it off. He doesn't care as much so he naturally and easily compromises or gives in. 

Now - I'm not saying that the guy is a pushover and she has the right now to walk all over him. But I am saying that two people have to be able to realize what's important to each other, along with knowing and being comfortable with their own strengths and weaknesses. And there has to be enough leeway so that in most cases when one person identifies something as important to them, the other person can allow for it to be that way, and vice versa.

The problem with me and Mauricio was first, we had so many complicated layers and baggage and a web of circumstances and history and reasons....it was exhausting. Secondly, we were both passionate about the same things, so when we came to a head on one of those things, it was hard for one of us to back down. And let me make it clear that these arguments were not over things like which way the toilet paper roll should face. It was more along the lines of how should we parent our own kid(s) and each others. Big, important stuff.

Anyway. Even though today was gloomy and I was fighting off being in a funk, I did feel inspired and lifted. I think the Universe is answering my prayers. Making it just a little easier to deal with.

Thanks, Universe.