Day 40: Moving Out

Mauricio was over at the house packing his things and loading them into a U-haul in my driveway. For the first time I wondered if any of our neighbors noticed. There was never a For Sale sign in our yard. His car hasn't been in the driveway now for almost a month. I wondered if anyone noticed. If they did, I wonder if anyone is contemplating how they should handle this situation with the one who stays behind - me.

There are a lot of elderly neighbors. But also a few families who have kids who played with Cambria and the girls. Also a younger couple who we've talked to at one of our garage sales. So I can imagine their conversations about us. How they assume Mauricio's moving out. How they probably pity me. Wonder what happened. Wonder if I'll stay. Wonder about the girls. I know I would be thinking about that if I noticed this type of event happening on my street. We were the young family that just moved in a few years ago to the old lady's house. We've been outside with our kids in the summer, working on our yard, raking the leaves, shoveling the snow, etc. We're on the corner of one of the main streets so many people often drive by our house. If they haven't met us, they might still be able to gather some basic information about us. And now there's a bit of drama. 

It's weird. I don't really care what people think. And they're nice enough people, they're probably more sad or concerned than anything. But there is a level of awkwardness that people face with these kinds of situations. So I don't know if they'll avoid me or ask me questions or offer to help or what. I'm not used to this. 

I also don't like feeling like the victim. Or having people feel sorry for me. It's uncomfortable. I don't like that kind of tense small talk you find yourself doing. Reassuring others that you're really okay and you know you'll be fine. Then letting them give you advice even though you already have been through it, learned it, know it and heard it a million times. It's really more for them. So they feel like they've helped. 

This sure is a lot of work. Frankly, just writing about it makes me tired. Which is good, I'm ready to hit the hay. 

Night.