Day 27: Life Learnings

As I'm continually working through this crappy process of adjusting my life unexpectedly in the opposite direction of where I was previously headed, I'm gradually learning (accepting) some valuable things. 

The hardest part of letting go of Mauricio is that he was exactly what I wanted. Seriously. I actually made a list right before we started dating. Unbelievable, right? If I knew where the list was I would take a photo and upload it. And everyone who knows anything about Mauricio would see that was him. So since I'm finding myself without him, I'm going through a range of emotions. First I was in denial and still hopeful. Then I was devastated and heart broken. Now I'm sort of angry and disappointed that he's not the man I thought he was. I expected him to fight harder for us. I expected that if we were to end, it would be after a lot of effort to make it work - because our love was worth it.

Mixed in there are emotions that try to make myself feel better. For example, if he is the kind of guy who ends it like this, then that just shows me that he's not the kind of guy I would have wanted to be with anyway. So now I'm starting to look at my "list" and adjust it because of what I've learned. I know that another trait that is invaluable to me is determination. Not giving up because it gets hard. Knowing that when you have something beautiful with another person, it's rare and worthwhile - it's worth all the effort you have to keep it and fight for it. 

I'm sure that the next phase will be forgiveness. Maybe we'll even be able to be friends someday, I don't know. But for right now I'm just trying to get through each day and soak in every moment of emotion so I can learn all that I can from it. Because I don't want to have to go through this again.