Day 7: What Happens When You Have Time to Think
I think I'm beginning to realize what the Universe may be teaching me with this one. It's been 4 years since I've been a single mom. I went from being single to finding my soulmate. I went from having 1 kid to having 3. I had no pets, now I have a zoo. Luckily, I made a commitment to myself to be single for one year just prior to dating Mauricio. I knew I needed that time to work on myself and my daughter. And that was a very, very smart choice. I truly don't think I'd be handling this now the way I am, if it wasn't for the time spent making myself strong.
So while I really feel like this "break" came out of left field in some ways, and I would love to fast forward through this "figure things out" period of time and get to the "happily ever after (married)" time, I'm starting to understand how crucial it is to have some time to myself.
All of us have our own inner issues. And "issues" is not a bad word. Our society is still learning how to accept the fact that sometimes we need help. We really can't do everything on our own. And if we try to, well the world has a way of letting us know otherwise. And we're not going crazy by getting to a breaking point where we realize this. It's actually healthy. If I had a choice - I'd always choose to go through challenging times because without them, I wouldn't be capable of appreciating the good times as much as I do. I wouldn't be so confident in how strong of a person I am and know that everything happens for a reason - little or big, known or unknown, to help us or to help others.
One of the things that snuck up on me tonight is that I'm still a little insecure. I think most women are. For example, while I'm aware that I'm pretty, I have always had a hard time accepting that. I've treated it as a curse. A challenge. An obstacle. I have to prove to new people that I'm a deeper person. That I'm not superficial. That I have good ideas. That I'm able to speak my mind. That I want to contribute to society. That I am passionate about my beliefs, but open minded. That I've been through a lot in this life and I've learned as much as I could. For a long time when people would give me compliments about how I looked, I would always dismiss them. I couldn't accept a compliment. I felt afraid that I'd be perceived as some of the other pretty girls I knew - who happened to be (perceived as) stuck up, mean and condescending.
Finally, I learned how to take a compliment and still be humble. But I still held back. I dressed down. I wore neutral make up. I didn't really spend a lot of time on my appearance. Okay, who am I kidding ... I'm still in this phase. So this is where I'm at. Day 7 of my blog writing and this shit comes up. Ahh well that's life. I don't have the answers. Just speculations.
I do have hope though. I'm lucky to have surrounded myself with absolutely amazing people. Beautiful people. And they're everywhere. My family, my friends, my coworkers. Beautiful women who are magnificent on the inside and out. They inspire me. And I'm going to work on learning from them. Who knows...I see them and think they have it all together. There's a chance they could see that in me too.
What's funny is that we are all in the same boat. We're all perfectly imperfect.
So while I really feel like this "break" came out of left field in some ways, and I would love to fast forward through this "figure things out" period of time and get to the "happily ever after (married)" time, I'm starting to understand how crucial it is to have some time to myself.
All of us have our own inner issues. And "issues" is not a bad word. Our society is still learning how to accept the fact that sometimes we need help. We really can't do everything on our own. And if we try to, well the world has a way of letting us know otherwise. And we're not going crazy by getting to a breaking point where we realize this. It's actually healthy. If I had a choice - I'd always choose to go through challenging times because without them, I wouldn't be capable of appreciating the good times as much as I do. I wouldn't be so confident in how strong of a person I am and know that everything happens for a reason - little or big, known or unknown, to help us or to help others.
One of the things that snuck up on me tonight is that I'm still a little insecure. I think most women are. For example, while I'm aware that I'm pretty, I have always had a hard time accepting that. I've treated it as a curse. A challenge. An obstacle. I have to prove to new people that I'm a deeper person. That I'm not superficial. That I have good ideas. That I'm able to speak my mind. That I want to contribute to society. That I am passionate about my beliefs, but open minded. That I've been through a lot in this life and I've learned as much as I could. For a long time when people would give me compliments about how I looked, I would always dismiss them. I couldn't accept a compliment. I felt afraid that I'd be perceived as some of the other pretty girls I knew - who happened to be (perceived as) stuck up, mean and condescending.
Finally, I learned how to take a compliment and still be humble. But I still held back. I dressed down. I wore neutral make up. I didn't really spend a lot of time on my appearance. Okay, who am I kidding ... I'm still in this phase. So this is where I'm at. Day 7 of my blog writing and this shit comes up. Ahh well that's life. I don't have the answers. Just speculations.
I do have hope though. I'm lucky to have surrounded myself with absolutely amazing people. Beautiful people. And they're everywhere. My family, my friends, my coworkers. Beautiful women who are magnificent on the inside and out. They inspire me. And I'm going to work on learning from them. Who knows...I see them and think they have it all together. There's a chance they could see that in me too.
What's funny is that we are all in the same boat. We're all perfectly imperfect.
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